Entry: and it reads just like the bible, twenty centuries of scandal Monday, November 29, 2004

everything jake ever said was a lie.
i cant believe i was so stupid as to believe wot he said to me...
wen i needed him the most, he wasnt there.  but the fact he culdnt actually tell me that?  that was harsh.

i wish boys didnt lie to me.  its like their favorite past-time, tho.  see who can hurt me the most, u kno?  i often think about giving up on relationships and stuff.  but then again, im too scared *not* to b in one.  im a vry needy person.  i need constant TLC, and thats wot kills me.  really, tho, i think i just want to b able to go thru my day *knowing* that som1 really loves me.  not just bc im family, not just as a friend, but actually loves me, and cares for me, and wants to b with me.

but, boys like that dont exist in real life.
only in fairy tales and disney movies.
and i was just luky enuff to not b born into either one of those.  damnit.

so, i dont really feel like nightschool nemore.  being at school from noon to 5 is awful.  i just get so unfocused by the end of the day, u kno?

im still unfocused ><

becca's coming home tomorrow =]
might go celebrate her return, then go to the valley hotel.. =P  i almost feel bad about it, tho, bc i did promise jake i wuldnt.  but after the shit he pulled?

give me one good reason to.

she wants me to.  and she actually gives a damn.  she doesnt lie to me.  he does.  so who shuld i want to please more?
god, im like a puppy.
a lost one.
the nicest person to me gets total devotion.
i mean, maybe if he had handled it better, like told me the truth, or talked to me, or somthing, i wuldnt b so upset.
but i think how he handled it shows a lot about who he is, really.  not just who he wanted me to think he was.

neways.  enuff feeling sorry for myself for one nite?


November 29, 2004   09:01 PM PST
I'll be looking for my book, "Perfect Responses for Every Situation, Revised Edition".

Let's hope I find it.

In the meantime, don't feel sorry for yourself. you're not the only person who's gone through this and you won't be the last. You're not alone.

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