Entry: i cant do this anymore Saturday, November 27, 2004

last nite...was probly one of the worst nites ive evr had..
i dont think ive evr cried that hard b4.  its hard, knowing ur losing somthing that means so much to u....
u kno how they say, if u really love someone, uv got to let them go...
that you hurt the ones you love the most...

i kno im wrong for him.  he needs so much rite now, that i cant giv him.
he said not to worry...but this is how it always happens.
wen they stop talking to me..
they stop listening..
they stop doing all the things they used to, to show u that they care.
thats wot scott did, thats wot fidget did, they couldnt just say it, they culdnt just say
"ur not wot i want"
culdnt just say
"ur not making me happy"

they just......left me hanging...and then, after a week, or three, they wuld say...
"my parents r mad, ur not 17" [a month b4 my birthday]
"we'r just growing apart" [he says, from new york]
"im in a funk....."

im tired of boys doing this to me.
of course, ill nvr stop loving them.
but y is it, can som1 tell me, please...
the more i love a boy, the sooner he leaves me?
the more i love him, the less he wants me?

maybe ill stop taking my meds for awhile.
so i can go visit discovery again.
and relax....with their bright-colored rooms, and ppl who wont judge me.
or tell me they dont want me.
they'll listen, and they'll tell me i really am worth it...
really am worth so much.

or maybe ill just hide in my room
dont talk to ne1
dont write to ne1
just lay here and sleep, and dream, and pretend that evrythings ok

today me and nate were in line at blockbuster
and there was a boy and a girl infront of us
his arm around her
she was leaning into him
he kissed her cheek
she smiled



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