Entry: and try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart and my absent God, and i hev no faith but its all i want, to b loved and to believe in my soul Friday, November 26, 2004

god wot an awful day.

me and scott had plans to go snowboarding today. i told him
call me at 8am
and he says
that doesnt sound to u like he has a problem with it, does it?
bc it doesnt to me.
i wake up and im like, oh shit....
i missed his call.
but mum said she hasnt heard the phone ring.
and dad says that he hasnt heard the phone ring.
so wait a minute.....wots going on here?
he signs online, his new sn "spazzy - snowboarding"
oh, rite.  i get it now


heres how that went:
and try to j: hey
§pazzay - §n: hey
and try to j: howd it go?
§pazzay - §n: i thought your mom would get mad at me for
              calling at 8:20
§pazzay - §n: this morning

and try to j: uhhuh
§pazzay - §n: serious if you want to go call me
§pazzay - §n: so i know your ready

and try to j: yea, see, i told u to call to wake me up.
and try to j: if u wanted me to call, or if u had a
              problem with calling, u shulda told me.  stead of
              crapping out on me.
§pazzay - §n: i am sorry
and try to j: but dont wrry, mums not mad at u at all,
              so good job avoiding that one.
§pazzay - §n: ????
§pazzay - §n: meh

and try to j: yea.

so, how sorry does he sound to u?  "meh" just isnt really an "im sorry" kind of word.
hevnt talked to him since
and i dont plan to.

so, since i didnt go snowboarding, i ended up staying home and getting in som huge fight with my mum.
i want to go to wasilla, she says she'll take me wen my rooms clean.
so my room gets clean.
so we'r upstairs eating food b4 we go, and we get into an argument bc she cant keep track of the money she pays me each week.  she tells me to, and i say
its not my job to keep track of ur money, ur the one losing it.
and she says im a nasty bitch child; says im disgusting.
yes, well guess where i got it from, mother dear?
i learn it from u.
i pick up on all ur nastiness, and giv it bak.

so she goes to the medicine cabinet and shoves medication down my throat
anti-depressants x10
yes, that'll make me stop hating u.
"get somthing to drink"
fok u
"open ur door"
i dont want to look at u
"take ur meds"

they wont stop me from hating you.

and so she doesnt take me to wasilla.
she always makes deals with me, then breakes them...
not that i wanted her to take me.
i cant stand her.

theres other problems im having today, but i think ill skip talking about them.  im just getting worn out on worrying.
on caring.
on hoping.

my horoscope says today will b a 4-star day...


im waiting.....



November 27, 2004   01:48 PM PST

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